Recovery tip number one: Acceptance and hope.

At the beginning of my recovery journey, all i thought about was getting through the next day. My thought patterns went something like this:

"You fucking idiot what have you done to yourself, how on earth am i gonna get better from this?"

"Everyone else is enjoying themselves..i'm 19 i should be going out and partying..i am such a loser" etc etc.

Another really unhelpful thought that popped up a lot - "Why is this happening to me?"

As you can see, i had a raging inner critic, which to this day is still raging, just a little quieter. On top of all of this i had extreme anxiety, which only helped to heighten my symptoms. From birth i have always been a high achiever, pushing through any obstacle or issue, trying to get on and not address issues that come up, just coping and pushing..until my body had enough of that horrible person and decided for me that i wasn't going anywhere. For me, this felt like the end of the world..until i found the 90DP. This was where i began to realise - there is hope! There is an end to this black hole.

I began to ACCEPT my situation, rather than fight it, and that then allowed me to focus and for my anxiety to calm down.

This is the first step. By allowing to really accept the bad, and feel the real pain about that situation, i discovered another nuturing voice that i hadn't been in contact with for a long time. It felt so calm and almost god like in its reassurance that "Everything is going to be ok." It was almost like a mother soothing a crying newborn baby.. at that moment when the world was falling around me, i just had this quiet knowing and connection to myself, and this connection has really grown over the last year.

I also think having a support network like the Optimum health Clinic, was invalueable and i felt stronger knowing that i was not alone and that so many others HAD recovered and so why the hell wouldn't i?

On the 90 Day programme, they used psychological techniques such as the "STOP" process, where you basically physically stop anxiety or inner critical thoughts from spiralling out of control my stopping yourself and choosing a different place and state to be in. I have found this technique invaluable. (You can find out more about this my googling "The Lightning Process" or indeed do contact the Optimum Health Clinic!) 

I remember very clearly being at the course in September, which was up in central London and being petrified of how i would physically make it home.. because at this point i was in a real state and felt as if i wouldn't make it! By using the Stop process, my entire state was calmed down, and i chose to feel ok about the situation - they called a taxi for me and by taking my mind off everything with talking to the taxi driver about his life story.. i found myself living in the moment, and accepting the moment for everything that it was, bearable or unbearable!

So, blog readers, there is hope. Accept where you are, stop fighting and resisting. BREATHE. This is reassurance from me - you will get there, its a bumpy journey, but once you accept where you are, that is half the battle.