I am in a bit of a reminiscing mood of late, having had a great holiday in Barcelona in June which boosted my confidence tremendously and was a real achievement for me, having been the first long holiday away from home in over a year. This time last year i had just burnt myself out and was in an extremely BAD way!
I had to cut my trip short however after coming down with a virus that involved a really high temperature and a nasty stomach! I think it was my body's way of saying that i needed a rest.
I am off to uni in September to Newcastle which is a massive deal for me! I am very nervous, but i trust myself and know my boundaries, so we will just see how it goes!
I would like to share with you all some of the lessons i have learnt from going through this life changing illness this past year:
1. Appreciate NOW!
As i am starting to feel i am coming out the other end of this experience, i can honestly say i have a huge appreciation for life now. Before i got ill, i just wanted time to PASS, to be done with my A Levels, to be at uni, to be enjoying myself! Consequently i rushed around, stressed my body out completely overworking myself for my exams, and using 200% of my 100% energy tank! I had no more fuel in my engine and i stopped working! Throughout this year, i really had to teach my body to relax, and to not run away from the moment that is NOW, even if i was feeling like death and really not enjoying the moment! Through this simple approach to life, my body began to relax and HEAL.
2. Be your own best friend
When i first burnt myself out, i just wanted everyone to understand! I was so frustrated that noone could feel how i felt and i just didn't have the words to explain what being "wired and tired" felt like! I had to learn to stop searching outside for answers, and look deep inside myself. Through cultivating a calm, friendly peaceful place in my soul, i began to make friends with my body and myself instead of pressing my self destruct button! It is extremely difficult, and definitely a bit of a lonely journey. The STOP lightning process definitely helped me to cut out some negative thought patterns, but the happiness and contentment i am starting to feel in myself is well worth the effort!
3. Let your body lead
I think for me, this illness really really scared me. When i first became ill i thought to myself how on earth i would ever recover!! It just seemed impossible. My whole life felt like it was slipping away from me and it was meant to be just starting! I realised right then and there that instead of focusing on what i had to do, i just needed to completely take the pressure off and i gave myself this whole year to recover. I had time, i had space, and i didn't have a deadline or anything that i had to do! Resting and relaxing was hard for me as before i got ill i was a very active person. I now understand that it is essential in recovery and i really let my body lead now, instead of my mind!
4. It is not the doing that exhausts, it is the trying
Before i got ill, i tried so hard at everything that i did. In my studies, in my exercise regime, in my social life - in everything! I wanted to be bigger, better, faster, fitter.. I am now ok at just being! I don't try to be anything anymore, i just relax into the fact that i am present and that things will turn out the way that they will, and i have complete trust that life will take care of the rest. So when i go for a walk now, i don't compete with myself or get competitive, i just evaluate my energy and do what i can.
5. Who cares what people think!
Before i got ill, i was just so concerned with what everyone thought of me and i had low self esteem as i didn't think i was good enough in comparison to everyone else. Consequently i overworked my body in an effort to be good enough and burnt myself out. I now don't care what others think, and its just so good to feel like that! I live my life for myself now and not for other people's approval, which has definitely been a bit of a revelation!
6. What doesn't kill you will only make you stronger!
This illness pushed me to the edge of what i thought i could stand, and there were some moments at the beginning where i just didn't think i could get through the day! I felt so so low and desperate. However, having embraced my situation, practising yoga and a good diet and being compassionate to myself, i found that i cultivated this strong sense of love inside myself. I now believe that i can really face anything in my life now, and i think the illness was mabye a gift to my body in the way that it really made me evaluate the whole of my life, and what really is important!
7. Do what you LOVE
I have always been an emotional person, and especially after glandular fever my emotions were all over the place. I was just so emotionally drained by school and physically drained by working out all the time and constantly PUSHING. I now understand that life really is too short and i surround myself with positivity now and what i love. This year i have found i have a passion for all things involving health! I love Yoga, and go two or three times per week. It really helps my anxiety and helps me feel centred and calmer. I also enjoy reading, and surround myself with love and positivity, fuelling my love of life every day. Meditation has also completely spiritually transformed me, and i now feel very comfortable being myself, as well as having the knowledge that i have the power to control my reaction to situations now, not using up all of my resources on emotionally draining situations.
8. I do not have to BE anything. I already am what i need to be.
Before i got ill, i had massive expectations that i was never good enough. I think this was partly due to the fact that i was surrounded by high achieving people at my school and i was also suffering from the after effects of glandular fever which i was just ignoring.. fighting through tiredness, as i believed it was just a sign of weakness. I wanted to be the best and i accepted nothing less. I now know that all along my body was screaming at me to STOP and relax, off which i wasn't very good at doing! I now know taking time out to just be and relax is crucial in my everyday life in order to stay balanced and calm.
9. Belief is a powerful thing
The way that you live your life is essentially all down to what you believe in. I have changed many of my beliefs this year. I now believe that i am whole and more than enough just as i am and i do not have to prove or be anything else other than myself. Before i had constant anxiety that being myself was not good enough and i just pushed 200% of my 100% energy that i had until i had none left! I also believe that i can get through anything. At the start of the year i believed it wasn't possible to get better, but by slowly changing my thought patterns i have really been able to change my health. I also believe that everything, no matter how bad, will be ok if you remain spiritually centred within yourself.
10. Failure brings success
5. Who cares what people think!
Before i got ill, i was just so concerned with what everyone thought of me and i had low self esteem as i didn't think i was good enough in comparison to everyone else. Consequently i overworked my body in an effort to be good enough and burnt myself out. I now don't care what others think, and its just so good to feel like that! I live my life for myself now and not for other people's approval, which has definitely been a bit of a revelation!
6. What doesn't kill you will only make you stronger!
This illness pushed me to the edge of what i thought i could stand, and there were some moments at the beginning where i just didn't think i could get through the day! I felt so so low and desperate. However, having embraced my situation, practising yoga and a good diet and being compassionate to myself, i found that i cultivated this strong sense of love inside myself. I now believe that i can really face anything in my life now, and i think the illness was mabye a gift to my body in the way that it really made me evaluate the whole of my life, and what really is important!
7. Do what you LOVE
I have always been an emotional person, and especially after glandular fever my emotions were all over the place. I was just so emotionally drained by school and physically drained by working out all the time and constantly PUSHING. I now understand that life really is too short and i surround myself with positivity now and what i love. This year i have found i have a passion for all things involving health! I love Yoga, and go two or three times per week. It really helps my anxiety and helps me feel centred and calmer. I also enjoy reading, and surround myself with love and positivity, fuelling my love of life every day. Meditation has also completely spiritually transformed me, and i now feel very comfortable being myself, as well as having the knowledge that i have the power to control my reaction to situations now, not using up all of my resources on emotionally draining situations.
8. I do not have to BE anything. I already am what i need to be.
Before i got ill, i had massive expectations that i was never good enough. I think this was partly due to the fact that i was surrounded by high achieving people at my school and i was also suffering from the after effects of glandular fever which i was just ignoring.. fighting through tiredness, as i believed it was just a sign of weakness. I wanted to be the best and i accepted nothing less. I now know that all along my body was screaming at me to STOP and relax, off which i wasn't very good at doing! I now know taking time out to just be and relax is crucial in my everyday life in order to stay balanced and calm.
9. Belief is a powerful thing
The way that you live your life is essentially all down to what you believe in. I have changed many of my beliefs this year. I now believe that i am whole and more than enough just as i am and i do not have to prove or be anything else other than myself. Before i had constant anxiety that being myself was not good enough and i just pushed 200% of my 100% energy that i had until i had none left! I also believe that i can get through anything. At the start of the year i believed it wasn't possible to get better, but by slowly changing my thought patterns i have really been able to change my health. I also believe that everything, no matter how bad, will be ok if you remain spiritually centred within yourself.
10. Failure brings success
Essentially, i think i needed this failure in order to move on with my life. I think i just wanted some acutally! (Obviously not to this extent!) But subconsciously, i couldn't keep up the pace of life i was living, and i needed to admit that i could not live the pace of life i had before glandular fever, and so i needed to admit defeat for a while. This was very hard for me to do. My ego was bruised and as a positive "get on with it" person, not being able to walk down the street is frankly terrifying! I had pushed myself into a wall which said STOP. So i failed. Yet out of this failure has sprung a new lease of life, and a whole new meaning to my purpose of existing, which really is a gift i am thankful for.
If you have any life lessons you have learnt through your experience you would like to share, feel free to comment.
